Parenting is a mix of big, life-changing decisions as well as tiny, daily ones. The parenting style you take on will have long-term consequences for your family’s future. Learn more about the four types of psychologist-accepted parenting styles to determine which would be the best option for your family.
Authoritarian
Authoritarian parenting leans heavily on the “because I said so” reasoning; under authoritarian parenting, parents call the shots, and children are taught to obey.
Pros:
- Clear boundaries. Because authoritarian parenting is cut-and-dry, it can be easier for children to understand boundaries and consequences.
- Non-negotiable safety. This parenting style can work best in scenarios that ensure the child’s safety, like wearing a helmet or seatbelt.
Cons:
- Lack of emotional development. Children of authoritarian parents can be more likely to lack self-esteem or fail to understand how they should be treated by others.
- Bullying. Since parents are models for their children, the child of an authoritarian parent may be more likely to enact this authoritarian behavior on others.
- Rebellion. With so many strict expectations set in childhood, authoritarian parenting can often lead to highly rebellious teenagers or college students.
Authoritative
Many psychologists consider authoritative parenting to be the perfect balance between authoritarian and permissive parenting styles. The main difference between authoritarian and authoritative parenting styles is that the latter includes conversation and explanation around the rules parents are setting.
Pros:
- Healthy relationships. Psychologists note that an authoritative parenting style promotes the healthiest, most balanced relationship between parent and child.
- Confident kids. Because children are incorporated into authoritative parenting and get to share their input or goals, this parenting style often leads to confident children.
- Good grades. Children of authoritative parents are more responsible and typically have higher levels of academic accomplishment.
Cons:
- Lots of work. More than any other parenting style, authoritative parenting requires patience and effort from both parents and children.
- Judgment. Because authoritarian parenting is more commonplace than authoritative, extended family members may be confused or angered by a more contemporary approach to parenting.
Permissive
In the 1980s, the original “permissive style” was separated into permissive and neglectful. The modern permissive style is the opposite of the authoritarian style and often lacks discipline entirely.
Pros:
- Nurturing. Permissive parents are often caring and nurturing; their lack of discipline may stem from a fear of hurting their children.
- Communication. Because of their desire to be their children’s friends, permissive parents typically have open lines of communication with them.
Cons:
- No boundaries. Permissive parents fail to establish any boundaries with their children. Every day is a “yes” day.
- Impetus on the child. Without proper guidance, children are forced to make decisions for their well-being without having the skills or maturity to do so. These children may develop unhealthy eating or sleeping habits.
- Lack of emotional development. Children of permissive parents are rarely denied the things they want. Accordingly, they often grow up with stunted emotional development and can be more self-absorbed.
Uninvolved/neglectful
The uninvolved or neglectful parent takes the permissive parenting style to the extreme and lacks the benefits of being nurturing or especially communicative. While a child can rise above the negative impacts of this parenting style and become resilient, it is not a beneficial arrangement for any parent or child. Navigating so many important decisions and responsibilities alone from an early age can cause severe stress and anxiety, leading to the following issues:
- Little to no relationship between parent and child. Because an uninvolved parent is often neglectful, they fail to establish a strong or lasting relationship with their child.
- Impetus on the child. While the permissive parenting style allows children to make their own decisions, the neglectful parenting style forces them to do so in order to survive. This places them in survival mode from a young age, which can lead to chronic trauma-related disorders and a disregulated nervous system.
- Lack of control. Without discipline or communication, children of neglectful parents have no opportunity to develop their emotional control and may have a hard time coping with difficult emotions.
There are endless ways to be a parent — consider your family’s needs and goals to understand what parenting style you may be using or what you would like to use. For more information and resources, reach out to Wellspring Center For Prevention offices at 732-254-3344.
Photo by Emma Bauso