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Whether family members are forthcoming regarding their recovery process or not, if you have a loved one recovering from substance misuse, it’s important to understand how deeply your interaction and communication with them play a role. Discover some helpful tips for effectively communicating with family members recovering from addiction.
Learn about their history
Taking time to listen to your loved one’s personal experiences can positively shape the course of their recovery. But while they certainly need support, so does the family coping with the effects of their illness. Not only will families attending support groups benefit from shared knowledge, but they can also learn how to obtain a better quality of life, manage stress levels, upgrade their own mental health, and help prevent their loved ones’ future relapses.
Listen well
Lending an ear to your loved one is often more helpful than quickly offering your own opinion. Those struggling with addictions often have information overload regarding their condition, whether it’s from their doctors, counselors, or support group administrators. Give them a chance to vent to you and process their thoughts and emotions. Listening to their hopes and fears can give you the chance to provide solid and consented advice.
Active listening extends beyond just being silent while your loved one speaks; it involves engaging with and validating their feelings without judgment. This approach can help them feel seen and understood, rather than feeling like they need to defend their feelings or decisions. By asking open-ended questions, you encourage them to express more of their thoughts and feelings, providing a deeper insight into their experiences. Reflecting back what you’ve heard to ensure you’ve understood correctly also reinforces your commitment to their recovery. Furthermore, recognizing and acknowledging the strength it takes for them to share their struggles can empower them, reinforcing the trust between you. This supportive communication style fosters a safer environment for your loved one to openly discuss their challenges and triumphs, potentially easing the burden of recovery.
Avoid giving unwanted advice
Though we may have the best intentions to help our family members struggling with addiction, it’s entirely possible to provide advice that isn’t in their best interest. When it comes to recovery and preventing relapse, it’s essential to let our family members primarily lean on advice, resources, and tools from professionals. In turn, provide your encouragement and support as a concerned loved one.
As much as possible, avoid using empty words that may push your loved one in recovery away or cause them to feel misunderstood. Phrases like, “You don’t look like an addict,” may seem like a compliment at the moment, but in reality may make the person feel invalidated. “Just take it one day at a time,” may sound cliche or redundant, and comparing their recovery journey to a voluntary alcohol fast when you say, “I did Sober September last year,” won’t sound relatable or inspiring to your family member, but instead may negate their struggle and come across as insensitive.
Help them identify triggers and high-risk situations
Identifying triggers and high-risk situations is a pivotal aspect of supporting a family member in recovery from addiction. These triggers can vary widely among individuals but often include specific social settings, emotional states, or even particular times of the year that are associated with past substance use. Recognizing these triggers involves open and honest communication with the recovering individual, as well as an understanding of the patterns and behaviors that precede a relapse. By being aware of these high-risk situations, families can work together to develop strategies that either avoid these triggers or provide the necessary support to navigate through them safely. This proactive approach not only empowers the individual in recovery but also fosters a supportive and understanding family environment that is conducive to long-term recovery.
Collaborating with your loved one to create a plan for dealing with these triggers is essential. This plan might include identifying safe people to call, activities to distract or soothe, and strategies for managing emotional responses in a healthy way. For example, if being around certain friends is a trigger, the plan might involve finding new social activities or groups that don’t involve substance use. If stress is a trigger, incorporating regular exercise, meditation, or therapy sessions might be key components of the plan. By having a clear, agreed-upon strategy in place, both the individual in recovery and their family members can feel more prepared and confident in handling potential high-risk situations. This not only aids in preventing relapse but also strengthens the bond and trust within the family, as everyone is actively involved in the recovery journey.
Develop a relapse prevention plan with them
Developing a relapse prevention plan is a critical step in supporting a loved one through recovery from substance misuse. This collaborative effort involves the individual in recovery, their family members, and often, their treatment team. The foundation of such a plan is the identification of personal triggers that might provoke a relapse, such as specific social situations, emotional states, stress, or encounters with substances. It also includes strategies for managing these triggers, such as employing coping mechanisms learned in therapy, utilizing support networks, and engaging in healthy activities that divert attention and provide fulfillment. The plan should be comprehensive, covering various scenarios and outlining practical steps to take in moments of temptation or vulnerability. It’s a living document that can be adjusted as the individual progresses in their recovery journey, reflecting new insights, strengths, and potential challenges that emerge over time.
Equally important is specifying clear steps to take if a relapse occurs, aiming to minimize its impact and return to recovery as swiftly as possible. This may include immediate contact with a counselor, therapist, or supportive friend or family member, attending a support group meeting, or, in some cases, arranging for more intensive treatment options. Having a predefined action plan can alleviate the overwhelming nature of experiencing a relapse, providing a sense of control and direction during what can be a disheartening setback. This aspect of the relapse prevention plan underscores the importance of maintaining open lines of communication within the support network and reinforcing the notion that recovery is a journey, often marked by bumps in the road, but always moving toward the overarching goal of health and well-being.
Stay affirming and positive
A supportive family member of a relative in recovery is one that encourages them with a sense of hope and positivity. As your family member presses forward to leave their past behind, hearing authentic words of affirmation and excitement regarding their future can have a powerful impact on their next steps ahead, especially in terms of preventing a relapse. Instead of dwelling on the pain they may have caused, build a safe space for them to share their emotions, tell them you’re proud of the path they’ve chosen, and say you’ll be there to cheer them on.
Respect their boundaries
Dealing with addiction is not only difficult but the recovery process for those combatting it is also a challenge. While your family member is going through recovery and building strength for the road ahead, they may need time to reflect individually and that means withdrawing from certain conversations to focus on their personal needs. Giving your loved one the space or freedom to self-disclose on their own accord is both thoughtful and helpful before asking questions or giving advice.
Manage expectations
As your family member recovers from substance misuse, set realistic goals and expectations. The recovery process can be long and frustrating for your loved one and though relapse is undesirable, the possibility may still loom. Support your loved one the best you can by being patient with them and avoiding comparing them to others in recovery. Remember that their journey may be a roller coaster but let them know that they can lean on you through the highs and lows.
It’s not easy to witness a relative dealing with an addiction, but with education and support, families can encourage recovery and prevent relapse by listening well, exhibiting optimistic attitudes, and setting appropriate boundaries and expectations.
To get more information, referrals, and resources about familial addiction support, contact Wellspring Center for Prevention offices at 732-254-3344.
Photo by Klaus Nielsen