How to Help Seniors Cope With the Loss of a Spouse

Senior Sense February 29, 2024February 28, 2024

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While death is natural, it doesn’t make the process of mourning a loved one any easier. Seniors who deal with the loss of a spouse — often, their life partner for 20+ years — will inevitably struggle through the situation. For caregivers, it’s important to step up, understand their feelings, and support them through their grieving. 

Emotional and Physical Responses to Loss

While we’re mostly taught grief comes in stages, many clinicians believe we instead experience loss in swings that come and go rapidly. These will gradually decline in frequency and intensity until a level of emotional adjustment has been reached. However, grief on this scale will not only have emotional effects but also physical and psychological effects on your elderly loved one. Expect that they will have trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating. It is also possible that they will have a hard time making decisions.

Expect them to cry easily and feel the following emotions:

• Depressed.
• Angry.
• Tired.
• Numb.
• Shocked.
• Fearful.
• Guilty for being the one that’s still alive.
• Denial or disbelief.

This complex emotional journey is further complicated by the unique challenges faced by seniors. Aging can amplify the effects of grief, as seniors may already be grappling with other losses—such as independence, physical capabilities, or social connections. This accumulation of loss can intensify their grieving process, making it more difficult to navigate. Moreover, societal expectations often underestimate the depth of grief experienced by the elderly, sometimes dismissing their pain as a natural part of aging. Recognizing and validating these feelings as legitimate and profound is crucial in supporting seniors through their grief. It’s important for caregivers to approach their loved one’s grief with empathy, patience, and understanding, acknowledging that their journey through grief is as individual as they are.

How you can be supportive

Acknowledge the loss

Trying to avoid sadness often makes it worse; it’s important to acknowledge the sadness that your senior is feeling. When coping with grief, the first step is facing it head-on. Encouraging conversations about the loss or grieving process signals to your loved one it’s safe and even beneficial to acknowledge their sadness. This, in turn, helps them to express their grief in a healthy way.

In addition to initiating conversations about their loss, creating an environment where memories can be shared and celebrated can further validate a senior’s feelings and facilitate healing. Encouraging them to talk about their loved ones, share stories, and reminisce about the good times can be therapeutic. It serves not only as a way to keep the memory of the deceased alive but also as a means to process the complex emotions associated with grief. This approach fosters a sense of continuity and connection, helping seniors to understand that while their loved one is no longer physically present, their impact and the love they shared still hold significant value. Such practices can transform the grieving process into an experience that honors the life of the departed while supporting the emotional well-being of the senior.

Help develop new social connections

Social support and community engagement are vital components in the healing process for seniors grieving the loss of a spouse. The pain of loss can often lead to isolation, making it important for caregivers and family members to encourage the continuation or formation of social connections. Participation in community activities, such as joining clubs, attending local events, or engaging in group exercises, can provide a comforting sense of belonging and purpose. These social interactions not only help to mitigate the feelings of loneliness but also promote emotional resilience by surrounding the grieving senior with a network of support and understanding.

Furthermore, engaging with peers who may have gone through similar experiences offers invaluable empathy and solidarity. Support groups specifically designed for widows and widowers can be particularly beneficial, providing a safe space for sharing feelings and coping strategies. Such engagement helps in normalizing the grief experience, showing seniors that they are not alone in their journey. Encouraging active participation in these social settings can significantly contribute to the emotional well-being of grieving seniors, offering them a pathway to find new meaning and joy in life amidst their loss.

Consider working with a professional grief counselor

Seeking the guidance of a professional grief counselor can be a pivotal step for seniors grappling with the loss of a spouse. Professional counselors specialize in navigating the complex emotions that accompany bereavement, offering a structured and empathetic environment for seniors to express and understand their feelings. This form of support is tailored to address the unique challenges faced by older adults, such as dealing with long-term companionship loss, adjusting to living alone, and confronting their own mortality. Grief counseling can introduce coping strategies that are both effective and respectful of the senior’s emotional state, facilitating a more adaptive grieving process.

Moreover, engaging with a grief counselor can also provide a confidential space for seniors to explore feelings they might be hesitant to share with family members, for fear of burdening them. Counselors can help normalize the grieving experience, reducing feelings of isolation and misunderstanding by validating the senior’s emotions and experiences. This professional support can guide seniors through the stages of grief, helping them to find a new sense of balance and acceptance in life after loss. Ultimately, professional grief counseling can be a cornerstone in the healing journey, offering compassion, understanding, and practical tools for moving forward.

Encourage exploring new interests and activities

Exploring new interests and activities can be a transformative experience for seniors dealing with the loss of a spouse. The void left by a loved one’s passing can be profound, but engaging in new hobbies or volunteering offers an opportunity for seniors to rediscover joy and purpose in their lives. Whether it’s taking up painting, joining a book club, or volunteering at a local charity, these activities can provide a sense of accomplishment and community. Moreover, they encourage seniors to step out of their comfort zones, fostering personal growth and emotional healing. It’s not about replacing the person they lost but about finding ways to continue living a fulfilling life.

The process of engaging in new activities also supports mental health by keeping the mind active and engaged. Learning new skills can boost cognitive function and reduce the risk of depression and anxiety. Volunteering, in particular, has been shown to enhance well-being by promoting a sense of belonging and usefulness. By focusing on what they can offer to others, seniors can shift their perspective from their loss to the positive impact they can have on the world around them. This shift is important for moving through grief and finding a path forward that still holds meaning and joy.

Encourage self-care

Even when confronted with a great loss, it’s important to remember everyone still has physical needs. Seniors who have lost their spouse may need reminders about self-care and hygiene. As mentioned earlier, many seniors tend to experience physical effects as a result of their loss. Encourage them to sleep, eat, and engage in relaxing activities.

Don’t push changes right away

The grieving process is deeply personal and different for each person. Grief might not be permanent, but it’s important to remember that mourning takes time. Don’t unnecessarily push any changes on seniors right after their loss. Rather, give them the time and space to heal, process, and move forward.

Tips to remember

Watch for substance misuse

Losing a spouse is a devastatingly painful experience, and those survivors will have to learn to cope with their grief. Unfortunately, some seniors start self-medicating to numb their extreme emotions. Be sure to keep an eye on this and encourage healthy coping mechanisms.

The inclination towards substance misuse in seniors following the loss of a spouse can often stem from an attempt to fill the void left by their partner’s absence. This coping mechanism might initially seem like a temporary relief from the unbearable weight of their grief, but it can quickly escalate into a dependency. It’s crucial for caregivers to recognize the early signs of substance misuse, which can be more subtle in seniors. Changes in behavior, increased secrecy, or a sudden disinterest in hobbies and social activities can all be indicators that something is amiss.

To combat this, providing seniors with alternatives to manage their grief is key. Encouraging participation in bereavement support groups, where they can share their feelings with others who are experiencing similar losses, can be incredibly beneficial. Additionally, introducing them to activities that promote mental wellness, such as meditation, gentle yoga, or art therapy, can offer healthier outlets for their emotions. By promoting these positive coping mechanisms, caregivers can help seniors navigate their grief without turning to substance misuse, fostering a path towards healing that respects the depth of their loss and their need for compassionate support.

Spend mealtimes together

Mealtimes can be particularly lonely for those seniors who have lost a spouse. A great way to help support them is to spend certain meals like dinner together, reminding them they’re not alone. Eating meals together can also help to keep your senior loved one interested in cooking and ensure their appetite is not compromised.

Anticipate changes in personality

After a spouse dies, that person’s whole life is irrevocably changed. Do not be surprised if they suddenly develop poor concentration, forgetfulness, or disorganization when they didn’t have these traits prior to the loss. These changes are usually not permanent and can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months after their loss. Throughout the process, be as patient and supportive with them as possible.

Think about adopting a pet

After losing a spouse, it’s common for seniors to feel alone — especially at home. Adopting a pet or service animal for your senior can help to alleviate that sense of loneliness and give them a newfound sense of responsibility and purpose.

If you need resources to use when planning a conversation with your senior loved one regarding loss, addiction, or other struggles, visit Wellspring Center for Prevention for more information and guidance.